Ask Father Mike: My prayer doesn’t seem to ‘do’ anything

Ask Father Mike 

I’ve been praying, but it seems like it doesn’t do anything. I’m tired of asking God for help when it doesn’t ever feel like I’m getting what I have been asking for. 

I am so glad that you wrote. And let me begin by thanking you for at least two things. First, thank you for approaching God in prayer. I think that many of us know that we should pray, but when it comes down to it, we are quicker to think about praying than we are to actually pray. The fact that you are praying is a great grace. Secondly, I want to acknowledge the (potentially) even greater grace of your willingness to be honest with the Lord. Too often, we can “edit” our prayers and pull back from honestly revealing to God what is on our hearts, what our desires are, and what our frustrations are in our relationship with him. The very fact that you are asking this question is a sign that you are on the right track. 

In order to get to the heart of your question, I think that it would be worthwhile to look at what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about this issue. It might surprise you to learn that the Catechism addresses this question quite frankly. In fact, the approach the Catechism takes is a little jarring at first. 

The author of this section of the Catechism has a remarkable story. He was the primary author of the fourth pillar (on prayer), and he did not write his portion from some monastery or a university protected from the realities of life. He wrote this section from a bomb shelter in Beirut whilst rockets and missiles were raining down all around him. What I want to point out is that he wrote this section of the Catechism in a place of great suffering and uncertainty. I highlight this because the way he engages this question invites us to be radically honest. 

The Catechism asks, “Why do we complain of not being heard?” To this question, I would probably respond, “Ummmm … because I trusted God enough to ask for help! That’s why!” I would respond from the hurt that we experience when it feels like God doesn’t care. It is a bit like how Martha approached Jesus in the Gospels when she asks Him, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?” Those words of Martha don’t reveal someone who resents serving as much as they reveal someone who feels unseen, who feels unheard, who feels unloved. 

When it feels like God doesn’t hear us, we can be in the position of Martha, not simply because we are Veruca Salt who demands to have “an Oompa Loompa now, Daddy!,” but because we are tempted to wonder if God cares. This is normal. 

But in response to the question of “why do we complain of not being heard,” the Catechism responds in a stunning way — by turning the question around on us. It reads, “In the first place, we ought to be astonished by this fact: When we praise God or give him thanks for his benefits in general, we are not particularly concerned whether or not our prayer is acceptable to him. On the other hand, we demand to see the results of our petitions.” 

Have you ever noticed this in yourself? I know that I have. 

When I am thanking God, I am tempted to be super casual (any prayer will do). I will just throw out a quick “thanks!” as I drive down the road or walk from here to there. But if I really want something, I will stop, maybe even go into a church or something, make sure that I kneel down, fold my hands, and am very specific and very intentional with communicating to God what I want. You might find yourself doing the same thing. Why is this? 

Why is it the case that, when we are praising or thanking God, we are not particularly concerned with whether or not our prayers are acceptable? In addition, why do we “demand to see the results of our petitions”? I think that it goes to the heart of who we believe God is. The Catechism points this out. It asks, “What is the image of God that motivates our prayer: an instrument to be used? or the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ?” 

This, I believe, is the crux of the issue. Yes, of course we have our hopes and desires. And yes, we have so many real sufferings and pains that we bring to God in prayer. And those can be devastating and overwhelming. But who is it that we are approaching in prayer? Is God just a “divine ATM in the sky”? Or a genie who exists to grant wishes? Too many of us are operating out of a false image of God. God has never revealed himself to be anything like this. 

God has revealed himself as the One who knows our needs. He has revealed himself as the One who has counted the hairs on our heads and who loves us infinitely more than we could hope for or imagine. But that does not mean that he “grants wishes.” He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

So, we pray to the Father in the way our Lord Jesus Christ did. Remember Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane: He begged his Father, “Father, let this cup pass by me. But not my will, but your will be done.” Here, Jesus reveals that his prayer is completely honest (he tells the Father what he desires) as well as completely trusting (he places Himself under the will of the Father). 

And this must become our prayer as well. We come to the Father (not the “wish granter”) with honesty and with trust, knowing that he hears all of our prayers. Sometimes his answer is “yes.” Sometimes his answer is “no.” And sometimes his answer is “wait.” 

Father Michael Schmitz is director of youth and young adult ministry for the Diocese of Duluth and chaplain of the Newman Center at the University of Minnesota Duluth.