Betsy Kneepkens: On Christmas, Love was born

Faith and Family 

“God is Love” (1 John 4). On Dec. 25, we celebrate the moment when Love was born. On this day, we do not recognize that God loves, although he does; we acknowledge that the person of Christ is love. Therefore, Love arrived at a particular time in history. 

We know through Scripture that the moment humankind sided with Satan in the Garden of Eden, we exercised our will that ultimately confused and misguided our knowledge of what pure and authentic love was. As children of God, we have always been capable of loving, but we were left with uncertainty about what it means to love as God intended. 

Our ancestors in the Old Testament share story after story of how their confusion and misguidedness led to pathways of misdirection and division away from our Heavenly Father. For thousands and thousands of years, the offspring of Adam and Eve were waiting for the King, who they knew would lead them back to the Promised Land, the land where Love is eternal. Our Father sent Love, Christ, so that we would be reacquainted with and assured of godly love and what is necessary to live that love here on earth. 

To make things more complicated, the English language really helped mess up our understanding of what love is. We have one word used in many applications with no particular substance. I love gardening, ice cream, hot days, and a clean house. Comparing Christ, godly love, to gardening, ice cream, hot days, and a clean house is quite frankly disgusting. When I see churches have billboards that say things like “Just Love” or “Love God, Love People,” I want to respond, “How?” 

Worse yet, we have a society that mainly makes decisions based on an individual’s feelings and judgment on how they want to love. Christ did not come as a feeling, and we don’t hear his feelings. Instead, he is the “being” of the action of Love. 

I know people, and I have heard stories of murder-suicides where a person doesn’t want to live on, but they “love” the other person so much they don’t want them to live either. Saying you love someone does not make it love. Stories where someone thinks they love them more than the other, so they harm that individual in the name of love, are not godly love. We have parents who say they love their children so much they allow their boy or girl to be chemically and/or surgically sterilized. All of this is in the name of love, so clearly, there is confusion and misguidedness. 

For me, this year was challenging regarding discussions of love. There were several situations with people I deeply care about who shared their struggles with love. Whether it was siblings with marriage issues, friends with family issues, or relatives taking care of elderly parents, the topic of love was in everyone’s hurting conversation. 

In every scenario, there was a proclamation of feeling in love but neglect of the actual act of love. No doubt they express the feeling attached to love, but that does not make their love, love. I moved from one family, to another friend’s issue, to another throughout this year. I could not help but realize that the Holy Spirit was calling me to examine my relationships and how I participate in them. Our Heavenly Father’s gift of love on Christmas was intended to make clear that love was not a feeling but a way of being. 

As I listened repeatedly to the stories of these wounded relationships, love was pledged but not acted upon. Their pledge was unconditional toward the other, but they would share the strings that were attached. These individuals were not looking toward Christ as love, and so they chose misdirection and, therefore, the wounds. I heard, “I bring home the paycheck and all she does is spend the money.” “I clean all day, make dinner, and he says nothing.” “I am taking care of my parents; the least they can do is pay my Visa bill.” Never a gift without a receipt to be reimbursed. 

Christ willed our good and expected nothing back from us. He was born asking for nothing, and he died without a condition or certainty he would be compensated. Although never expected, an unconditional gift often results in gratefulness, generosity and a regift in another way. But Christ came to show us that godly love is a gift and sacrifice for another. Living his love is void of hurt and wounds, and we can rest assured that if we trust in him, that confusion is eliminated. 

On the day we celebrate Christmas, and the day Love came to a stable 2,000 years ago, giving us the best gift ever, the way to Love, that comes free from the hurt that plagues our world today. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

Betsy Kneepkens is director of the Office of Marriage, Family, and Life for the Diocese of Duluth and a mother of six.