Deacon Kyle Eller: 20 years a Catholic, the love affair continues

Mere Catholicism 

Part way through Holy Saturday, anticipating the glorious liturgy in which I had the privilege to sing the beautiful Exultet, it occurred to me: This year’s Easter Vigil was, liturgically, the 20th anniversary of when I was received into full communion with the Catholic Church, along with my wife and my oldest daughter — then an infant, now an undergrad — who was baptized that night. 

I love the Easter Vigil and the whole Triduum for all the usual reasons but also because of the memories of that night in April 2004. A profound journey of conversion brought me to the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Rosary, where I professed the Catholic faith before then-Bishop Dennis Schnurr, and he gave me the sacraments of confirmation and the Holy Eucharist. 

I had been baptized and raised a member of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, then had wandered far from the Christian faith as a young adult. But God had not finished with me. Even now, thinking back, the hand of grace in those days is a palpable memory. There were deep moments of conversion. In a way beyond what I was capable of doing for myself — particularly because of the humility it required, which, to put it mildly, was not my natural inclination — he brought me to that night. 

It wasn’t all flashes of light, either. There were questions, small crises, a wrestling with the demands of discipleship, people God brought in at the right moments along the way. There was a process of discovery that began even before RCIA. It was joyful. It was thrilling. It was liberating. 

It was an unfolding love story. 

That love story has, of course, continued these 20 years and counting. It continued after Bishop Schnurr hired me to come and work for the church, through a call to the diaconate, through some of the most amazing joys and profoundest sorrows of my personal life. 

As with any love story that lasts, it has gone through seasons. It’s tempting to think of those days of conversion as a honeymoon phase, and maybe it’s a fair comparison. I’ve had the joy of teaching RCIA, playing a small role as people go through journeys similar to my own. Being part of the Triduum is always special to me, as I see the joy on people’s faces as they “come home.” 

Scrolling my Twitter feed on Easter, I saw post after post from overjoyed people who had been received into full communion with the church, celebrating those moments of baptism and confirmation and first Holy Communion. (I guess the algorithm really does know something about me!) 

Twenty years down the road, my own love story with the Lord feels more like the relationship of a couple married for 20 years. There’s still joy, still excitement, still commitment. But now it’s tempered by long familiarity and the work and challenges of life lived together, by years of ongoing conversion putting on the mind of Christ. Most of all it’s tempered by knowledge of how far I have yet to go in that ongoing walk of conversion that never ends in this life. 

That’s as it ought to be. 

To extend the analogy a bit, the Easter Vigil for me now is a bit like when people who have been married a long time are there for a young couple’s wedding. On the one hand, that “old” married couple can bring something to young couples. They can be great mentors, people who have learned what love means through the ups and downs and difficulties of life as well as the joys. 

At the same time, at least speaking for myself, I always feel the young couples getting  married offer a great gift to me as a husband of more than 25 years too. The joy and excitement are infectious. More than that, it’s a reminder — a reminder of the reality that’s still there even though it can be too easily obscured by the bills and the chores and the stresses and the work of marriage. 

All those beautiful souls washed clean in baptism and confession and given those amazing graces of confirmation and the Holy Eucharist, those souls aflame with the Holy Spirit, give us a gift like that. They invite us to rediscover in ourselves the joy of that love affair with God, with the God who has personally and deliberately won our hearts and entered into covenant with us. 

This Easter season, look around your parish. Find those souls in love with God — whether it’s in those first days or a relationship that has deepened over decades — and be open to the movement of grace that wants to fan that flame even more greatly in your own heart. 

Deacon Kyle Eller is editor of The Northern Cross. Reach him at [email protected].