Father Nicholas Nelson: Resisting temptation: face it, replace it, connect

Handing on the Faith 

Every year for the First Sunday of Lent, the church gives us Jesus’ temptation in the desert. This year, it comes from St. Mark’s Gospel. Temptation is something we all have to deal with and we must avoid it if we are to live lives of holiness as God calls us to. 

For my column this month, I’d like to break down temptation. By understanding the process of temptation, I believe we can more easily resist temptation and avoid sin. 

The first part of temptation is what we call the “suggestion.” This comes from outside of us. The second part of temptation is what we call the “delight.” The temptation has now moved inside us, so to speak. It actually moves us, affects us, but we are still passive at this point. The final part of temptation is the “consent.” This is when we actually choose the act. We now have an active role and therefore when it becomes sinful. 

Sometimes, it can be hard to distinguish between the delight and the consent, especially when it comes to temptations to think in a certain way. Consider the sin of lust. When is the temptation to lust mere delight, moving me passively? And when do I actively consent to engage the lustful thought? It’s important to know the difference. 

Herein lies the difference between Jesus and Mary on one side and the rest of us on the other. For Jesus and Mary, temptation only gets to the point of the suggestion. Jesus is the God-man with no fallen human nature. Mary is the Immaculate Conception. They didn’t have concupiscence, which is a disordered bent towards sin. They were never interiorly delighted by any temptation. So for them, the temptation was always extrinsic. 

For us, although we are baptized and free from Original Sin, we still have the effects of Original Sin, i.e., concupiscence. So, the temptation has the possibility of moving us interiorly, delighting us, tempting us to actually consent to it. 

So with that said, I want to share a practical skill to help with any temptation, e.g., to get drunk, to lust, to anger, to gluttony, etc. It’s called “Face It, Replace It, and Connect.” 

Let’s use the temptation to lust for an example. A man is at his computer, catching up on the news for the day, and then an immodest picture of a woman pops up. This is the suggestion. The temptation to lust and the temptation to go to a bad website begins. Next, the man is moved interiorly, he’s affected, his disordered passions take delight in the idea of indulging his disordered passions. 

Now, I must notice that the temptation is moving me interiorly. I am taking “delight” in the temptation. I need to acknowledge what is happening within me. This is the “face it” step. I say to myself, “This is a temptation, it is my disordered passions moving me towards committing this illicit act.” 

Now that I am thinking rationally, acknowledging what is happening interiorly, I can “replace it.” I replace what my disordered passions are doing, and have my mind — my reason — take control. I say, “No, I don’t want to do this. I am a son of God made for the glory of heaven. If I do this, I am going to feel guilt and shame. I’ll have to go to confession.” 

If we let our disordered passions be in control for too long, if we allow the delight to linger too long, we won’t be able to resist the temptation. So we need to acknowledge what is happening as soon as possible. And when I am facing and replacing it, when my mind is in control, then I can “connect.” I can go and connect to a real person. I can go find my kids, go talk to my wife, go outside for a walk. 

It’s very hard to sin when our mind (our reason) is in control. Why is that? Because sin, by definition, is an irrational act. It goes against reason. So, when we have our reason in control, by facing and replacing, then it’s easier to resist the sin. 

Finally, this is a technique you can practice over and over again, because we know that temptations come. You can think about what a temptation will look like and be ready for it. So when that temptation to anger or to lust or to whatever, comes, I acknowledge my disordered passions taking delight in the temptation and then I face it and replace it. I put my reason in control. And then I connect with someone. 

And ultimately, over time, our passions become more ordered, rightly ordered towards the good. We develop virtue, the virtue of chastity, for example. The immodest picture and its temptation become only an external suggestion, and it doesn’t delight me, it doesn’t affect me, doesn’t move me interiorly as much. 

So, remember what St. Paul says, “No testing has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, so that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). When temptation comes, “Face It, Replace It, and Connect!” 

Father Nick Nelson is pastor of Queen of Peace and Holy Family parishes in Cloquet and vocations director for the Diocese of Duluth. He studied at The Pontifical John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family in Rome. Reach him at [email protected].